Friday, January 20, 2012

Things We've Forgotten - What?!?

EXTRAORDINARY WARNING: Profane language used in this blog post.

(photo by Tammy Harrel-Fraley)

BP Oil Spill - oh shit! That is soooo yesterday! We all know that the ocean is so vast that it can swallow anything we cram into it like a cheap whore paid $150 to do a bukkake scene. And I'm being polite here. Have you forgotten what the fuck really happened there? Have not you seen the public service announcements paid for by BP extolling you to, please, please, please, come back to the Gulf and spend, spend, spend your enormous tourist dollars???? Oil? What oil? There's no oil in the Gulf!!!!
Because it is at the bottom of the Gulf! Bwahahahahahaa!

That whole radiation thing. What I like about the radiation thing is that it is invisible! Whoo-Hooo! No see, no smell, no taste, complete plausible deniability! Terrific! Have you forgotten? That whole earthquake thing in Japan? Just like we do, they like to build nuclear power plants on fault lines. Why not? It's cool, it's groovy, chickie baby! If I had a choice where to build a fucking nuclear power plant I would certainly build one over a motherfucking fault line! I mean, who wouldn't? So, EARTHQUAKE, and we have not one but multiple nuclear power plant meltdowns. Yes, I said meltdowns! Why recently, they snuck one of those fancy pants spy type cameras into one of the containment buildings and, what the fuck???? we don't see no melted rods! We see steam!!! Holy boiling water, Batman! But, please, do not be alarmed you hedonists on the Left Coast. Radiation is like the old put the frog in a pan of water and then turn up the heat. Move along, nothing to see here.

Did I mention that Red Vines are made in the USA? Mmmm. Just sayin'. Just in case you may have forgotten a good golly goddamn confection made right here in the good ol' USA! You commie pinko bastards!!!

SOPA!!! Of course I like soup, who doesn't? Soups are like days. It could be a nice split pea soup day or perhaps a good old fashioned chicken noodle soup day. But, not chicken made from mechanically separated chickens. Who in the name of fucking fuck fuck would want mechanically separated chicken? Oh, wait, right! This isn't some bill about immigration, it is all about blacking out my blog! Yeah, holy crap on a stick, I don't want no steekin' immigrant taking my jerwbs! Well, fuck that! Yeah, SOPA is like lighting your little brother on fire and then your parents wanna contribute money to the National Match Association. Just in case you may have forgotten.

UFOs!!! YEAH, like the big forgotten! Remember all those UFOs buzzing around Washington, DC in 1952. Of course you don't remember what you cannot have forgotten. Wait! What? UFOs over Washington, DC? Yeah, well, forget that buster, because you have UFOs sighted all around the fucking world every fucking day but your Fourth Estate fails you in that regard, eh? EH????
Yeah, I said, eh? Wake the fuck up!

Jess sayin'.

No comments: