Friday, June 26, 2015

Et Tu, Cancer? Part 1 - The Birds

Recently, I was diagnosed with bladder cancer. But, you know me, not just any ol' cancer, but a tumor that started to grow in an pre-existing diverticulum of my bladder. A cancer that is aggressive and not treatable with chemo or radiation. A cancer that can only be removed by removing the bladder itself. And the prostate. And the pelvic lymph nodes. Now, I should have had surgery many months ago, but that story is not what this article is about. That story is found here in this excellent article.

With these series of articles, I wish to express how I have felt during this time and will feel in the times to come. It won't often be pretty and my prose will not often be below an "intense R rating". Past and present and future tenses might be maligned somewhat, but so what. These articles will also not be in any particular chronological order. I'd like to begin with a story just before and after my oft-delayed surgery; what wound up being my first surgery.


"THE BIRDS"

When the surgery with my new urologist was finally set, May 20th (a month after my birthday), I was also awaiting my biopsy results. Two days before the surgery, the obvious (to some) was confirmed: the tumor was malignant. That didn't surprise me much, but I was more than a little fucking pissed off because when the tumor was first seen (in February) it was about 1cm in size in the diverticulum. Now it was well over 3cm. My urologist/surgeon was concerned he couldn't remove the entire tumor without perforating the bladder. The surgery was scheduled to be day surgery and it was also non-invasive. Think of a long tube-like instrument that goes you know where and then into the bladder.


It was partially successful. The doctor removed as much as he could but not the rest for fear of the perforation, which would have been bad, going from stage 2 to stage 4 cancer with all those cells now floating around my body. Also, the tumor had now grown to 5cm at least. So, I went home. On some pain killers and such. I sat in my room for awhile - in a daze. My mind wasn't quite remembering everything due to whatever it was they had knocked me out with. I recall labeling it "alien probe forget drug". I think after sitting awhile, I had a swig, then a smoke and fell into a strange semi-drugged induced and mostly exhausted sleep. The next morning, only in slight pain, I made some coffee and went outside whereupon I saw this:


During the last two days, when my mind was upon other things, two very industrious birds had built a nest on one of the support beams above the front porch. I became instantly fascinated by this post-op discovery of a new house being built. I knew that my next step with removing the cancer was going to be removal of my bladder, so maybe I was caught up in some sort of nostalgia or melancholia, or both. But, I decided to run with it. So, the next day I spied this:

Monday, June 22, 2015

You're Worked Up Over The Confederate Flag - What About Your $$$?

Ever since the tragic shooting at a church in Charleston, South Carolina, the cry for the state to remove the Confederate flag from flying over a war memorial near the capitol building has intensified. Given the state law governing the flag is unnecessarily cumbersome, it is doubtful anything will be done to remove it, especially in an election cycle. But, our money? Nary a peep about that. Reach into your pocket and pull out your money and you will see the visages of many slave owners.


This hue and cry over taking down the Confederate flag is mere posturing to make one's self look good in the current politically heated climate if there is not an equal or even greater commitment to remove the faces of slave owning presidents and men from our money. Let's look at what we have for money; first the coins.

Ah, the nickel, and staring back at us is Thomas Jefferson. A lot of times on social media forums you will see people quoting Jefferson or offering up some meme, all the while ignoring the fact he owned slaves, and he owned them while he was president. The quarter, good ol' two bits, and looking sideways at us is the Father Of  Our Country, the first president, George Washington. He, too, owned slaves and did so while president. Now, the paper currency.

Appearing once more on the one dollar bill is that slave owning guy. Same story. Same with the two dollar bill, slave owning president making a second appearance. The ten dollar bill doesn't feature a president, but the father of our modern capitalistic society, Alexander Hamilton. There is no record he owned slaves, however, since he was an ardent property rights kinda guy, he did help broker deals for slaves. On the twenty we have Andrew Jackson who not only helped with the near genocide of Native Americans but also owned slaves while he was president. The fifty dollar bill features Ulysses Grant. As a Civil War hero on the winning side, you'd think that...well, you would be wrong. He owned slaves, but not while he was president. Last, but certainly not least as they say, on the one hundred dollar bill, there is Benjamin Franklin. And yes, he owned slaves as a young man.

Some might offer the argument that these were men of their times and shouldn't be held up to our more "enlightened" present standards. As Sherman Potter used to say on M*A*S*H, "bull hockey!". Removing these slave owning men will not dim their history from our country. If we truly feel it is time for America to get with fact it is 2015, and flags should be removed, then it is long past time to replace these men's visages from our money.

 

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

If Yesteryear's Headlines Read Like Today's Website Headlines

I was pondering one night, weak and weary, pondering feverishly, that given the internet websites' odd 'zero tolerance' for important nouns and such, I pondered what yesteryear's headlines would be like given today's internet grammar, or lack thereof. I run on, verily.
Enjoy.

1865 - FFS! MRS. LINCOLN WON'T BE GOING BACK TO THEATRE

1876 - PLAINS INDIANS KNOW MATHEMATICS, ARMY NOT SO MUCH

1889 - LMAO, AMERICANS SURPRISED BY OUTCOME OF RESULTS

1912 - LOL, PASSENGERS ON LINER FIND THEIR ROUND TRIP TICKETS ARE ONLY ONE WAY

1929 - WALL STREET INVESTORS TO KEEP OFFICES ON FIRST FLOOR FOR THIS VERY OBVIOUS REASON

1932 - YANKEE DOES THIS AMAZING THING

1939 - SOUTHERN FILM WINS AWARDS

1941 - UNITED STATES IS ANGRY OVER JAPANESE HAWAIIAN AIR SHOW

1945 - OMG! HITLER FINDS SOVIET SHELLING NEARBY, THE RESPONSE IS PRICELESS

1945 - JAPANESE ANGRY OVER UNITED STATES AIR BURST

1953 - ROSENBERGS FIND CHAIR ENLIGHTING

1963 - TRIP TO DALLAS ENDS IN SURPRISE FOR PRESIDENT KENNEDY

1964 - BRITISH INVASION CURSES AMERICAN PARENTS WHAT HAPPENS NEXT WILL AMAZE YOU

1965 - U.S. TROOPS FIND THEIR ASIAN HOLIDAY NOT AS ADVERSTISED

1969 - BALTIMORE UPSET BY NEW YORK

1973 - PRESIDENT NIXON FINDS TAPED EXPLETIVE OFFENSIVE AND DELETES IT BY NIGHTFALL

1979 - LOL, AMERICANS SURPRISED BY REVOLUTION, WHO KNEW?

1980 - MT. ST. HELENS LOSES 1,000 FEET WHERE IT WENT MAY SURPRISE YOU

1983 - U.S. FLEXES MIGHT OVER TINY ISLAND TO SAVE STUDENTS GRADES SAVED TOO

1994 - EX-FOOTBALL STAR GETS VERY RUDE AWAKENING

2001 - LMAO, AMERICANS SURPRISED BY OUTCOME OF RESULTS