SARCASTIC WARNING: FOUL LANGUAGE HEREIN!
Gentle readers, I am a liberal, a leftist, a leftie, a progressive, a Wobblie, and fucking hell man, I've even voted for a few Democrats in my time. Yet, there is a problem. I'm not a conformist. And that has led to more than a few people giving me a quizzical once over when attempting to fit me in to their stereotype file cabinet.
Keeping in mind my first sentence, I'll tell you what fucks up people's perceptions by citing just a few issues (because I'm trying to keep this under 1,000 words). First example, Gun control. OMG, right? It's not that I don't think people should register their guns (like they do a car) or have a waiting period, but I do believe in the Bill of Rights. And right bloody there within is that damn pesky Second Amendment. The government should only be going as far as they have already when it comes to gun control, and when I speak out against certain proposed laws or (shudder) defend the idea that people should be able to own guns, then holy fucking cow, people think I might as well believe that the Earth is fucking flat!
Second example, the Earth is fucking flat. No, no, no! I don't believe that the Earth is fucking flat! I don't believe in Anthropogenic Climate Change, so I get compared to someone who believes the Earth is flat. I know, fucking crazy, right? What the bloody hell? And I'm talking about the Flat Earth Society, not that I don't believe in ACC. Strangely enough, the president of said organization believes in ACC. Dammit all! So, yes, here I am, this crazy "3%"-er who also has a 0.12 ton per year carbon footprint and is a progressive, too. Has it ever been done?
Lastly, well, shit, this might come in under 500 words, and you, gentle reader, are really getting your money's worth! Yes, you! You know, the one that gave so much money during my little donation drive? # Hashtag sarcasm. Have I digressed? Of that I am not sure. For the slings and arrows of outrageous, well holy jebus, are these the recently found words of the Great Bard or have I, once again, digressed? Lastly, yes, lastly, it was. Lastly, man landed on the moon. I actually believed that happened. However, you'd be surprised how many liberals, progressives, et al, think that the moon landings were faked and directed by Stanley Kubrick. I know, what the flying fuck indeed? They get so bent out of shape when confronted with such things as, say, oh maybe, film footage shot on the fucking moon, that before you can say, "Uncle", they want to ship you off to a prison camp or fine your ass until the sun don't no more shine there - oh fuck! That's what they say about us "3%"-ers. Ultra dammit! I get so bloody confused sometimes and why hasn't anyone refilled my drink?
So, irregardless, gentle reader, ha(!), see what I did there? Made you sorta say, "what the fuck"? "Irregardless"? Yeah, so, irregardless that I am a goddamm hippie, liberal, coke snorting, progressive, Marx reading so-and-so...I believe in rights and things (because those were just a few examples) that make others, sometimes, question my Commie Cred, ya dig?
Gentle readers, I am a liberal, a leftist, a leftie, a progressive, a Wobblie, and fucking hell man, I've even voted for a few Democrats in my time. Yet, there is a problem. I'm not a conformist. And that has led to more than a few people giving me a quizzical once over when attempting to fit me in to their stereotype file cabinet.
Keeping in mind my first sentence, I'll tell you what fucks up people's perceptions by citing just a few issues (because I'm trying to keep this under 1,000 words). First example, Gun control. OMG, right? It's not that I don't think people should register their guns (like they do a car) or have a waiting period, but I do believe in the Bill of Rights. And right bloody there within is that damn pesky Second Amendment. The government should only be going as far as they have already when it comes to gun control, and when I speak out against certain proposed laws or (shudder) defend the idea that people should be able to own guns, then holy fucking cow, people think I might as well believe that the Earth is fucking flat!
Second example, the Earth is fucking flat. No, no, no! I don't believe that the Earth is fucking flat! I don't believe in Anthropogenic Climate Change, so I get compared to someone who believes the Earth is flat. I know, fucking crazy, right? What the bloody hell? And I'm talking about the Flat Earth Society, not that I don't believe in ACC. Strangely enough, the president of said organization believes in ACC. Dammit all! So, yes, here I am, this crazy "3%"-er who also has a 0.12 ton per year carbon footprint and is a progressive, too. Has it ever been done?
Lastly, well, shit, this might come in under 500 words, and you, gentle reader, are really getting your money's worth! Yes, you! You know, the one that gave so much money during my little donation drive? # Hashtag sarcasm. Have I digressed? Of that I am not sure. For the slings and arrows of outrageous, well holy jebus, are these the recently found words of the Great Bard or have I, once again, digressed? Lastly, yes, lastly, it was. Lastly, man landed on the moon. I actually believed that happened. However, you'd be surprised how many liberals, progressives, et al, think that the moon landings were faked and directed by Stanley Kubrick. I know, what the flying fuck indeed? They get so bent out of shape when confronted with such things as, say, oh maybe, film footage shot on the fucking moon, that before you can say, "Uncle", they want to ship you off to a prison camp or fine your ass until the sun don't no more shine there - oh fuck! That's what they say about us "3%"-ers. Ultra dammit! I get so bloody confused sometimes and why hasn't anyone refilled my drink?
So, irregardless, gentle reader, ha(!), see what I did there? Made you sorta say, "what the fuck"? "Irregardless"? Yeah, so, irregardless that I am a goddamm hippie, liberal, coke snorting, progressive, Marx reading so-and-so...I believe in rights and things (because those were just a few examples) that make others, sometimes, question my Commie Cred, ya dig?
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| (About The Awful: Rad leads an embittered existence somewhere between there and back again. His works of a previous depressing nature can berry and assorted vegetables at your local super market.) |
1 comment:
I defend your right to fire that wonderful verbiage from gunz, but irregardless (?!) - find THAT unforgivable.
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