ZOMBIES!!! Am I Too Late To Jump On The Bandwagon?

"Please, Lisa, they prefer to be called the 'living impaired'."

- Bart Simpson

Zombies are everywhere these days and I know I'm too late to jump on the bandwagon because (as far as we know) the zombies' first appearance in popular culture dates to The Epic Of Gilgamesh when Ishtar says,

I will knock down the Gates of the Netherworld,

I will smash the door posts, and leave the doors flat down,

and will let the dead go up to eat the living!

And the dead will outnumber the living!

Whoa! Ouch!

Lately, zombies started showing up in movies in the 1930's and really came to the fore with George Romero's 1968 epic, The Night Of Living Dead. However, even more recently, zombies are everywhere, even my nephew was involved in the filming of a zombie movie. But wait! Now, the MSM is pushing a series of stories that have zombie written all over them. They are even using the word "zombie" in some of their stories. The most obvious recent example is the Miami Zombie.

Well, you may say, these are just isolated, bizarre incidents. Or, you may hark back to a curious event in government history: the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (the CDC, yeah, I know, why not the CDCP, but I'm not going there) release of a series of zombie related material that it characterized as the, "CDC has a fun new way of teaching the importance of emergency preparedness. Our new graphic novel, 'Preparedness 101: Zombie Pandemic'..."

When was the last time you thought of a government agency as being fun? Or as having a sense of humor? Especially an agency that proclaims to prevent and control diseases? Just askin'.

Which brings us to a blog posting I ran across today that showed there has been a sort of zombie outbreak over the last two weeks. Just yesterday a Maryland college student was accused of killing his roommate and then eating his heart and brains. The posting also related a story I remembered and filed away in my "tres bizarre" file: that of a Florida doctor who was arrested for a DUI and banged his head against the inside of the patrol car and spat the resulting blood at the police officer. This is a link to ABC News about the case, and ABC is about as MSM as you can get, but I alphabetizingly digress.

Are there some sort of gases being released or viruses or perhaps even [horrors] "drugs"? No, not at all. For the reason for this latest outbreak of "zombism" across our fair old country is attributed, as it always has been, to: hamsters. Think about it; The Night Of The Living Dead was released in 1968, within years it seemed as though every freaking house in the freaking good ol' USA had a pet hamster. You could even build the little beggars entire cities if your parents had the bucks. So, that explains it.

Wait, WTF, you say delicate reader? Yeah, yeah, I just had a zombie moment.