Twas The Hype Before ISIS™

(From "What Really Happened" under Fair Use)

TWAS THE HYPE BEFORE ISIS™

Twas the hype before ISIS, and all through the land

Creatures were stirring, finding things to be banned

The effigies were hung from the trees with care

In hopes that Saint Fraudulent soon would be here

 

 

The children were hidden beneath their beds

While visions of beheadings bounced in their heads

And mamma with her AK and I with my Glock

Our fevered brains couldn't tell it was a bunch of crock

 

When out on the internet there arose such a chatter

That Homeland Security didn't see what was the matter

Yet away to the Windows I flew like a flash

Tore open the Firefox and typed with a bash

 

 

And soon on the rest of my new fallen words

The luster of paranoia a washed all the herds

When what to my wondering eyes should I see

But a Toyota truck with eight tiny jihadi

 

 

With an old driver, so lively and brawn

I knew in a moment it was Jihadi John

More rapid than rumor his soldiers they came

And he whistled and shouted and called them by name

 

 

Now Dastgir! Now, Dani! Now, Pasha and Viqaas!

On, Coman! On, Codei! On, Dorrah and Bijan!

To the top of the hill, to the top of the wall

Now Daesh away! Daesh away! Daesh away all!

 

 

And then, with a shudder, I heard in the drive

The Toyota truck motor as if it were alive

As I grabbed my head and was turning around

Down the chimney Jihadi John did bound

 

 

He was dressed all in black, from his head to his foot

Dressed so black one could not see ashes or soot

A bundle of bombs he had tied to his back

And he looked like a SWAT guy, with not as much tact

 

 

His eyes how they twinkled! His mission so merry!

He brandished his sword, so red like a cherry

His droll little accent was perfect for TV

He said the orange jumpsuit was 'specially for me

He was chummy and svelte, a right jolly ol' jihadi

And I laughed when I saw him, despite my Glock 23

A wink of his eye and a twist of his sword

Soon gave me to know I had a waterboard

 

 

Then spoke not a word, but worked with a calm

And filled all the stockings each with a bomb

And laying a finger on the detonator

And giving a nod, up the chimney like an accelerator!

 

 

He splooshed into the Toyota and his team gave a yell

And away they all flew like bats out of hell

But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he smoked from his pipe

“Happy hoax infidel, and enjoy all the hype!”

 

4 Years of Blogging

Recent events caused me to sort of miss my 4th anniversary of writing Random Thoughts Of A Random Guy From A Random Place Up In The Sky. A pretty good summary of the entire health story can be found here in a very good guest written article. So, allow me to crow a bit on this 4th anniversary about what I feel were pretty dang good articles and eat crow a bit about articles that failed.

Last year, I recorded a short video about writing this blog and it was 5 days before the first blood was in the urine, thus starting me down the long road that I am still walking on to this day. A lot can happen in a year. Have I pondered the health thing long enough now? OK, here are a few of the eat crow articles that come to mind.

In no particular order are the following, such as, "Riveting Testimony By Fetus", which I found funny, but has been by far the most ignored. Therefore, it is in the eat crow bin; I mean, only 8 views in four years? Maybe the counter for this one was 'accidentally' shut off. However, this next one was a definite stinker. What the hell was I thinking when writing and then publishing this one? Why didn't I just link the videos and be done with it? Then, there was this failed attempt at satire and political smugness. At least, that's what I thought I was going for, when I should have obviously been going for another bottle. Here, I'm just rehashing old opinions that have been better served and then stapling it to the cause du jour. Very eating crow-ish! Finally, I'll add this one because my gesture was NOT reciprocated and by pointing out that it was NOT reciprocated also shows I can be a bit vindictive at times.

All right, let's move on to the crow a bit articles. Again, in no particular order. OK, I'll admit I like this one because it was the very first and was largely ignored, too. "The Strange & Deadly Journey Of Navy Seal Team 6" is not only wildly popular (for my blog anyway), but I really like how it all came together in a coherent fashion. It's was strange and deadly narrative, too. What's this? More stuff about Obama? Well, for awhile there, him and his administration were a source of a lot of WTF moments. Nothing has happened since then to alter the facts written therein. Well, here is one of the several, "what the hell, this makes no sense, but is being passed off as average news that we won't examine any further" articles I have written. I will also admit I'm very pleased with this series of articles about John Lennon's songwriting and such during his tenure with that obscure rock combo from Liverpool. And just to round things off a bit, here are two more: one where I admit my guilty pleasure of enjoying "Gilligan's Island" and the still bafflingly overly popular post about Mitt Romney eating children. Baffling to me anyway why it's so dang popular. Yeah, it's funny and sort of pointed, but still...

Those are my choices and, as always, the reader is free to pick and choose their own. My biggest complaint, however, is the constant removal of links, photos and videos that can sometimes ruin an article. It's rather difficult keeping up with that and replacing said removals.

It's been an interesting four years as I went from living in Portland to making the huge leap of faith and moving to Los Angeles. Getting cancer along the way is what Mr. Spock might have called, "fascinating". Thanks again to you, kind and gentle readers, for supporting this blog, and I hope you continue to enjoy future random thoughts.

 

If Yesteryear's Headlines Read Like Today's Website Headlines

I was pondering one night, weak and weary, pondering feverishly, that given the internet websites' odd 'zero tolerance' for important nouns and such, I pondered what yesteryear's headlines would be like given today's internet grammar, or lack thereof. I run on, verily.
Enjoy.

1865 - FFS! MRS. LINCOLN WON'T BE GOING BACK TO THEATRE

1876 - PLAINS INDIANS KNOW MATHEMATICS, ARMY NOT SO MUCH

1889 - LMAO, AMERICANS SURPRISED BY OUTCOME OF RESULTS

1912 - LOL, PASSENGERS ON LINER FIND THEIR ROUND TRIP TICKETS ARE ONLY ONE WAY

1929 - WALL STREET INVESTORS TO KEEP OFFICES ON FIRST FLOOR FOR THIS VERY OBVIOUS REASON

1932 - YANKEE DOES THIS AMAZING THING

1939 - SOUTHERN FILM WINS AWARDS

1941 - UNITED STATES IS ANGRY OVER JAPANESE HAWAIIAN AIR SHOW

1945 - OMG! HITLER FINDS SOVIET SHELLING NEARBY, THE RESPONSE IS PRICELESS

1945 - JAPANESE ANGRY OVER UNITED STATES AIR BURST

1953 - ROSENBERGS FIND CHAIR ENLIGHTING

1963 - TRIP TO DALLAS ENDS IN SURPRISE FOR PRESIDENT KENNEDY

1964 - BRITISH INVASION CURSES AMERICAN PARENTS WHAT HAPPENS NEXT WILL AMAZE YOU

1965 - U.S. TROOPS FIND THEIR ASIAN HOLIDAY NOT AS ADVERSTISED

1969 - BALTIMORE UPSET BY NEW YORK

1973 - PRESIDENT NIXON FINDS TAPED EXPLETIVE OFFENSIVE AND DELETES IT BY NIGHTFALL

1979 - LOL, AMERICANS SURPRISED BY REVOLUTION, WHO KNEW?

1980 - MT. ST. HELENS LOSES 1,000 FEET WHERE IT WENT MAY SURPRISE YOU

1983 - U.S. FLEXES MIGHT OVER TINY ISLAND TO SAVE STUDENTS GRADES SAVED TOO

1994 - EX-FOOTBALL STAR GETS VERY RUDE AWAKENING

2001 - LMAO, AMERICANS SURPRISED BY OUTCOME OF RESULTS


 

The Clinton-JFK-Obama Nexus

Who hasn't played the game "Six Degrees Of Kevin Bacon"? In reality, it should be called a nexus, but that's missing the point entirely and my creative writing teacher once said to never start an article with a digression. Well, sorry, my bad. Damn! My teacher also stated to never apologize in your opening paragraph either.

There's been a disturbing, perhaps even creepy, find amongst photographs of a young Barack Obama. Specifically, one in which he is posing with his fellow teammates on the high school basketball team.



(All photos under Fair Use)

Look closely, who is that young fellow behind Obama's left shoulder? Why it looks to be none other than a young John F. Kennedy!

I know! What the hell? But when you think about it, it makes perfect sense. Obama is nothing more than Bill Clinton light, a continuation of disastrous policies both foreign and domestic that has been going on since JFK's assassination. It helps to solidify this wash that Clinton actually met JFK!

Incredible! Fantastico! Phantasmagorical! Although highly unlikely, perhaps Obama's basketball teammate was none other than John F. Kennedy, Jr. Whew! Well, that was a close one, a close one indeed. It is now safe to leave the rabbit hole.

You're welcome!
 

9/11 Museum Of Rich Crass Elites & Tastelessness

The 9/11 Museum in New York City on "hallowed ground" has opened. Wherever one may fall along the spectrum, from believing in the government's conspiracy theory (which, of course, the museum endorses) to believing there were no planes, no one can deny that this "museum" is nothing more than a feel good for rich, crass elitists and a monument to tastelessness.

(photo by Todd Heisler, New York Times, under Fair Use)

It was bad enough that the powers that be decided to move some 8,000 pieces of remains to a repository in the same building as the new "museum" as opposed to an aboveground tomb like the Unknown Soldier. It was even worse that crass rich elitists (some of whom made a lot of money off of the attacks) attended what amounted to a cocktail party on hallowed ground before the "museum's" official opening. “You enjoy dinner & drinks on top of my brothers grave last night douchebags?” tweeted Robert Shay Jr.’s sister.

(photo by Marcus Santos, The New York Daily News, under Fair Use)

No, the real jaw dropping act of tastelessness is the gift shop. You read that right, on "hallowed ground" there rests a fucking gift shop where people will continue to make money off of the victims. Perhaps the most tasteless gift in this dive is the 9/11 Cheese Plate, complete with little stars where the attacks occurred. I'll wait as you let that sink in.

(photo by Scott Lynch, The Gothamist, under Fair Use)

If anyone is still onboard with idea that your rich overseers and politicians have always had your best interests at heart I hope this "museum" has disabused you of that. Imagine what a visit to the gift shop might be like.

"Hello, and welcome to the 9/11 Museum Gift Shop. Oh, I see you're spying our classy 9/11 Cheese Plate. Perfect for your wine and cheese parties as you discuss the latest best seller. No, no, no, it doesn't cost an arm and a leg. Perhaps I could interest you in one of our Mohamed Atta passport replicas? They're only $9.95 each. We also have ashtrays formed out of the steel from the girders. They make excellent conversation starters as well has a repository for your butts. Or, might I interest you in our 9/11 Paperweights? Made from the pulverized remains of your fellow citizens, it retails for only $29.95. Buy two, they make wonderful gifts!"
 

Confessions Of A Boston Baked Bomber

by Dzzhochar Tsarnova

Ha Ha! I have the simpleton infidels right where I want them. Through my brilliant machinations, which I will explain further, the Great Satan will be brought down to his knees! Although I may not have died a martyr like my brother, Tamerlamershammalamma, who now enjoys the inexperience of over 70 virgins in the great Valhalla, no wait, dammit(!), well, you know what I mean infidel...here in the world of the living I'm enjoying the adoration of more teenage girls than Justin Bieber. Ahahahaha, life is good for me!

To think, our revenge against the infidels of Boston began just over a month ago, and the story your government keeps spinning makes it difficult for a world-renowned terrorist, such as myself,  to even try to keep up. But, I will!

(Here I am during my Bob Dylan phase. Yes, the times they are a-changing.)

It all began innocently enough when my brother and I were shopping at the local mass quantity warehouse store and spotted some rather fetching pressure cookers. On the spur of the moment we bought six of them. Once home we went immediately to the internet to learn how to make...bombs out of them! HaHa! Not only that, you putrid infidels, we decided to take them to the Boston Marathon. However, before we left, we had one too many tokes and forgot the bombs and wound up carrying schoolbooks in our backpacks! Bah! It did not matter. Our cleric had called us to meet him at 666 Bolyston (yes, infidel, 666, bwahahahahaha!!!!!) and we were standing and standing around waiting for the guy. Then, BOOM, BOOM. We then understood our place in this attack and got the freaking infidel outta there!

CLIMATE CHANGE Leads To Prostitution And 'Arab Springs'

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

An upcoming blog article will go into the details of why I changed my mind; that mankind does contribute to the climate change. I know that may leave some of you in a bit of a shock, unless you have followed me on Facebook. It happened shortly after my cancer surgery [see the many articles about that located herein]. I've decided to leave these articles as is.

(Me give you climate change long time!)

Two recent articles point out that even amongst the climate change community lie folks who might be, well, a little tin foil hattie. One article quotes a U.N. official as saying climate change will increase prostitution (yep) while another trumpets a conference that will explore that one of the causes of the so-called 'Arab Spring' (a revolutionary uprising in Egypt) was none other than climate change! These rather strange results, or possible results, actually have roots more in the inhumanity of man against man and the pursuit of money and power than in climate change. These results also seem to disproportionally effect brown people, which of course, leaves whites to be, well, whites.

Ed Wood, NOT Stanley Kubrick, Helped NASA Fake Moon Landing

BREAKING NEWS...

New information has revealed that the long standing conspiracy theory that famed director, Stanley Kubrick, helped NASA create the Apollo 11 moon landing is, in fact, a hoax! Fiction is stranger than truth as long secreted government documents reveal that NASA indeed faked the moon landing, but the director of the project was none other than so-called "worst director in the world", Ed Wood!

(Iconic director Ed Wood)

Ed Wood, the cross-dressing director of such infamous schlock classics as Glen Or Glenda and Plan 9 From Outer Space, was tapped by NASA to direct their Apollo 11 moon landing hoax movie! Unnamed and unsourced officials deep within the military/industrial complex are quoted in the documents thusly, "Ed Wood is the perfect director for the Moon Hoax Movie given his public track record as an untalented hack director which was simply a well worn cover story propagated by our Illuminati pals at the CIA." Aha! Set up in the public eye as an untalented director was the perfect cover story for

(movie poster used in the massive cover-up)

one of the most talented science-fiction directors to have ever graced the silver screen. He would have been the last person to suspect as being behind the incredible hoax!

As usual, the "real" clues are scattered everywhere in the public record. For instance, Ed Wood was born on October 10th, 1924. 10/10/1924 or 10x10x1924= 192,400, the actual number of miles that the moon is from the earth! The names of the Apollo 11 command module and lunar module were Columbia and Eagle, respectively. Columbia, as we know, was the name of the studio that Wood secretly worked for and Eagle was Wood's pet name for his penis! In addition, Bela Lugosi, a frequent actor in Ed Wood's "cover films", was in actuality the cover identity of NASA uber-scientist, Wernher von Braun! Astounding!

(Alleged image beamed from the moon was in actuality shot on the sound stage of an underground studio located beneath Ed Wood's Hollywood home!)

So, why does everyone think it was Kubrick who directed the moon landing hoax movie? Why, that's classic double-hoax disinformation. People are far more likely to believe in the hoax if it was directed by someone with a resume that included such films as, 2001 - A Space Odyssey, and since it was a hoax of a hoax, plausible deniability was virtually guaranteed. Now, thanks to these long secreted government documents, we can at last bestow upon Ed Wood the true talent denied to him by the military/motion picture/fake moon landing/industrial complex!

OF MEME, MARKLAR & SHAKESPEARE

To meme, or not to meme, that is the marklar
Marklar 'tis meme in the marklar to meme
The Marklar and Marklar of outrageous Meme
Or to marklars Marklars against a Meme of memes,
And by memeing meme marklar: to meme, to meme
No meme; and by a meme, to marklar meme end
The marklar-marklar, and the marklar Meme marklar
That Meme is marklar meme? 'Tis a marklar
Marklar to be meme. To meme to meme,
To marklar, marklar to Marklar; Marklar, there's the meme,
For in that marklar of meme, what marklar marklar marklar,
When meme have marklared off this memed coil,
Marklar give marklar marklar. There's the marklar
That makes Marklar of so marklar marklar:
For meme would bear the Meme and Meme of meme,
The Meme's marklar, the meme marklar's Meme,
The marklar of despised Meme, the Marklar’s meme,
The meme of Marklar, and the Marklar
That marklar meme of the unmeme marklars,
Meme marklar marklar might marklar Meme make
With a marklar Meme?

REFUDIATE SARAH PALIN

Another in a continuing series of videos about the Tea Party.

TEA PARTY INTERVIEW #1

Join me as I continue my tear on the Tea Party by posting videos I produced which tear into the Tea Party!

This video was actually mistaken by many as being the real deal - but it's only a satire.

RIVITING TESTIMONY BY FETUS

Late last winter, 2011, legislators from the state of Ohio invited a fetus to give testimony before one of their committees. While the public part of the testimony merely had a pregnant woman and an ultrasound, my sources have found the transcript of the PRIVATE testimony actually given by the fetus!

THE MAXWELL SMART "WOULD YOU BELIEVE" GAME

IT'S AN EASY & FUN GAME TO PLAY!
FOR EXAMPLE - ONE DRINK FOR EACH MAXWELL SMART "WOULD YOU BELIEVE?" THAT YOU BELIEVE

WOULD YOU BELIEVE......Osama bin Laden, so-called mastermind behind the 9/11 attacks was able to:

BOEHNER GETS BONER VIEWING OSAMA PORN!

WASHINGTON, DC (HPI); The latest craze sweeping Capitol Hill is no longer viewing Osama bin Laden's death photos, but viewing his porn photos. "I was immensely gratified", said a beaming Rep. John Boehner, "this is by far the best collection of porn I've seen to come out of a terrorist's hand". Unnamed Catholic representatives said, "We find the child porn part of this evil man's collection to be the most satisfying, especially those featuring young boys." Representative Michele Bachmann expressed, "I was struck by the variety of alt porn in the collection, especially the photos featuring witches." Grumpmeister John McCain told reporters, "I've seen enough porn photos in my time."

LIGHTS BULBS AND JOKES TO BECOME ILLEGAL

In 2012 it will be ILLEGAL in the USA to buy any incandescent light bulbs!

THEREFORE the joke: "How many ______ does it take to screw in a light bulb?" will also be illegal to say or write!

Only those nice, green-friendly florescent lights will be LEGAL.
BUT WAIT! Those lights contain MERCURY! You break 'em, you got mercury all over your rug? Got to throw that rug away! You break 'em, you got mercury on your wall? Got to replace that wall! You break 'em, and your cat rolls around in the mercury? You gotta toss that cat (in an environmentally safe way of course)!

BE WARNED: the Light Police will find you and your illegal lights and jokes!!!