ISIS™ Introduces New Anti-Glass Shattering Suicide Bombs

Ever the innovators in the technology of suicide bombing vests, ISIS™, recently introduced, in their Paris campaign, a new bomb which does not shatter glass. The photo below shows the aftermath of the Parisian café suicide bombing which injured and killed many people, but left the glass in the windows totally intact!

(No windows were harmed in this bombing. Reprinted under Fair Use.)

Anonymous intelligence agency sources confirm that while this new bomb technology is a significant step in the lessening of post-bombing clean-up, it is hardly original. These sources point to the Boston Bombing wherein one of the bombs killed and injured scores of people, but left the plastic cups sitting on nearby tables untouched.

One question that overrides all others concerning this technological advancement is why such a ruthless terrorist outfit like ISIS™ would even concern themselves with using it. After using said bombs to kill and injure scores of innocent people, the fact their bombs lessen post-bombing clean-up really isn't going to score ISIS™ any humanitarian points. Another unnamed source that wished to remain anonymous remarked that it reminded them of the old Neutron Bomb. You may recall it, the nuclear bomb that would kill people, but leave buildings basically intact. Regardless, some misguided political-types welcome such technology as a significant step in continued environmental friendliness.

Another interpretation of this recent technology, beyond the obvious tounge-in-cheek nature of this article, is that it comes from the United States military, even though the mainstream media (MSM) has been blacking out the news that ISIS™ was basically a creation of the United States government. This declassified document would also explain how ISIS™ is able to drive miles long truck convoys without any U.S. military bombardment. Or, how they are also able to continue to replace military material and where the heck they get the enormous amount of financial aid to continue such operations in the first place.

 

The Boston Baked Bombing Game!

As we all know (or should), the trial of the Boston Baked Bomber, Joker Tsarnaev, is underway in Boston and he is as guilty as sin. We know this because his own lawyers said he was guilty in their opening statement last week. If his government appointed attorneys say he is guilty then that's good enough for me. Regardless that one of his lawyers said before the trial started that the surveillance video of Joker dropping the pressure cooker bomb laden backpack on the ground didn't exist, the prosecution introduced it in the trial! Apparently, the rule of discovery doesn't exist for this trial or his lawyers are idiots; or, of course, both. Watch the video below and you see Joker with the backpack and then he doesn't have it.

Why, that cocksucking little Chechen bastard! But, wait! Like so many things related to the Boston bombing, there is an anomaly. Joker's backpack is light in color, but the FBI will go to it's grave saying the bomb backpacks were black. Well, if the FBI says the backpacks were both black, then that's good enough for me! As Americans, we should know better than to use any critical thinking skills. I mean, really! So, now it's time to look at just a few more of these odd anomalies (for looking at them all would take weeks to create and days to read and as Americans, the last thing we want to do is read for days). Let us play the Boston Baked Bombing game! It's easy, but, I must warn you, it is also ultimately depressing.

The bombs have been described as very powerful. Look, depending on the source, the bombs injured anywhere from 170 to 250 people and killed 3 people. How then can we fathom that the second bomb (the one planted by Joker) couldn't even knock over plastic cups on a table only 10 feet away?

You can see the plastic cups on the table to the left of the woman in red.

Here are the same plastic cups on the same table in the same position after the explosion.

Let's blame it on the odd happenstance of air currents and that flying shrapnel and people never hit the table so we can sleep better at night. Along those same lines, an even stranger occurrence happened at the first bomb site. It involved two wooden benches situated about 25 feet from the blast.



This photo was taken about 10 seconds after the first blast, they look pretty good.



The same wooden benches in a photo taken about 30 minutes later and they're smashed to pieces.

I'm sure that some delayed, uhm, er, there's a property in physics that, uhm, and oh just fucking forget it. Joker's guilty, just go back to sleep. Now, it's time to move on to blood. We see blood all the time. In movies, video games, television and even theatre (especially if you go see a production of Titus Andronicus). Here are 2 rather nearly insane examples of blood, both at the first bombing site. Let's start with the man. For nearly 20 seconds after the blast we see this man standing with his wife and daughter as they react to what just happened. They are about 25 feet away from the blast and when the strange second engulfing smoke cloud comes along, they disappear. Then we see the man lying prone in front of a candy store and it's been about a minute since the explosion.

He is obviously in some pain, but as you can see, there is no blood below his raised leg.

A few seconds later there is blood below his leg.

About a half-a-minute later, there's blood all over the place, despite the tourniquet.

What the hell? He was standing with no blood and then he was lying down with no blood and then there is blood all over the place. But, he wasn't the only one. There were many others with this long delayed sudden bleeding. Let's look at one more: a poor, helpless old lady. In this first picture, she is sitting on the sidewalk about 10 feet away from the blast and about 6 seconds afterward. She is obviously in shock, but there is no blood except for a trickle on her right knee and then...well, by now, you can probably guess.

Here she is about 5 minutes later. What the hell indeed? Not a mark on her in those places before and then she looks like she's been in an explosion...oh, that's right!

I don't know about you, but when I cut myself it starts bleeding right away and if it is a real bad cut it bleeds like a son of bitch, especially on the head. I don't know if I can sleep well at night after this part of the game, but no matter, the government's story is the correct one. Why would they lie? Finally, it's a gallery of the effects of both black backpack bombs: shredded pants, but no blood. Well, in later pictures, of course, we see them with blood all over, but in the immediate aftermath, the bombs have shredded their pants, although modestly leaving the underwear untouched. Odd bombs to be sure. Sending the shrapnel no higher than the waist most of the time, unless one was sitting down, of course. And this is how the game ends. You're left to figure it out and to realize that there are no winners here. There is something wrong here, to be sure, and it will probably never be addressed except on those cwazy conspiracy sites, which is a shame. This was a tragedy, but mixed in with this tragedy were some very dark underpinnings of time, space and the belief of one's own eyes to look at it.

My thanks to Peekay for inspiring this article

All photos copied under Fair Use
 

Confessions Of A Boston Baked Bomber

by Dzzhochar Tsarnova

Ha Ha! I have the simpleton infidels right where I want them. Through my brilliant machinations, which I will explain further, the Great Satan will be brought down to his knees! Although I may not have died a martyr like my brother, Tamerlamershammalamma, who now enjoys the inexperience of over 70 virgins in the great Valhalla, no wait, dammit(!), well, you know what I mean infidel...here in the world of the living I'm enjoying the adoration of more teenage girls than Justin Bieber. Ahahahaha, life is good for me!

To think, our revenge against the infidels of Boston began just over a month ago, and the story your government keeps spinning makes it difficult for a world-renowned terrorist, such as myself,  to even try to keep up. But, I will!

(Here I am during my Bob Dylan phase. Yes, the times they are a-changing.)

It all began innocently enough when my brother and I were shopping at the local mass quantity warehouse store and spotted some rather fetching pressure cookers. On the spur of the moment we bought six of them. Once home we went immediately to the internet to learn how to make...bombs out of them! HaHa! Not only that, you putrid infidels, we decided to take them to the Boston Marathon. However, before we left, we had one too many tokes and forgot the bombs and wound up carrying schoolbooks in our backpacks! Bah! It did not matter. Our cleric had called us to meet him at 666 Bolyston (yes, infidel, 666, bwahahahahaha!!!!!) and we were standing and standing around waiting for the guy. Then, BOOM, BOOM. We then understood our place in this attack and got the freaking infidel outta there!