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| (From "What Really Happened" under Fair Use) |
TWAS THE HYPE BEFORE ISIS™
Twas the hype before ISIS, and all
through the land
Creatures were stirring, finding things
to be banned
The effigies were hung from the trees
with care
In hopes that Saint Fraudulent soon
would be here
The children were hidden beneath their
beds
While visions of beheadings bounced in
their heads
And mamma with her AK and I with my
Glock
Our fevered brains couldn't tell it was
a bunch of crock
When out on the internet there arose
such a chatter
That Homeland Security didn't see what
was the matter
Yet away to the Windows I flew like a
flash
Tore open the Firefox and typed with a
bash
And soon on the rest of my new fallen
words
The luster of paranoia a washed all the
herds
When what to my wondering eyes should I
see
But a Toyota truck with eight tiny
jihadi
With an old driver, so lively and brawn
I knew in a moment it was Jihadi John
More rapid than rumor his soldiers they
came
And he whistled and shouted and called
them by name
Now Dastgir! Now, Dani! Now, Pasha and
Viqaas!
On, Coman! On, Codei! On, Dorrah and
Bijan!
To the top of the hill, to the top of
the wall
Now Daesh away! Daesh away! Daesh away
all!
And then, with a shudder, I heard in
the drive
The Toyota truck motor as if it were
alive
As I grabbed my head and was turning
around
Down the chimney Jihadi John did bound
He was dressed all in black, from his
head to his foot
Dressed so black one could not see
ashes or soot
A bundle of bombs he had tied to his
back
And he looked like a SWAT guy, with not
as much tact
His eyes how they twinkled! His mission
so merry!
He brandished his sword, so red like a
cherry
His droll little accent was perfect for
TV
He said the orange jumpsuit was
'specially for me
He was chummy and svelte, a right jolly
ol' jihadi
And I laughed when I saw him, despite
my Glock 23
A wink of his eye and a twist of his
sword
Soon gave me to know I had a waterboard
Then spoke not a word, but worked with
a calm
And filled all the stockings each with
a bomb
And laying a finger on the detonator
And giving a nod, up the chimney like
an accelerator!
He splooshed into the Toyota and his
team gave a yell
And away they all flew like bats out of
hell
But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he smoked from his pipe
“Happy hoax infidel, and enjoy all the hype!”
