IS EVERYONE ELSE ALRIGHT?

If you are on Facebook, I'm sure you have seen the increasing political rancor as the so-called election for president draws near. It basically boils down to "your candidate is a lying scumbag, whilst my candidate would never lie or be a scumbag at all"! Disingenuous to be sure. Well, I just couldn't take it anymore and decided not to comment on Facebook again until after you cast your corporate vote for the one or the other corporate candidate who will kill men, women and children with impunity.

Because there was a man who finally, finally, by god, figured out it was more than about him and he was brutally murdered. But, not before he asked the eternal question we may have the guts to ask as we are mortally wounded, "Is everyone else alright?" If you can reach deep, deep within your own heart to believe that you can, too, utter such mortal words, than maybe, perhaps, just maybe, you will vote this election for someone who epitomizes such wonder as he lay dying for the concern of others. But, alas, you will not, as you still believe in the corporate two party system. I grieve for him and so many others assassinated for disregarding or challenging such a system as I do for you. I weep tonight for you as you gleefully rip apart the Republican or Democrat for which you hold so dear. But, please, "IS EVERYONE ELSE ALRIGHT?"...

Mitt Romney Eats Orphaned Children For Breakfast; Among Other Things

(Giddy women gladly give up another Meal For Mitt!)

Our tenuous sources report through fourth party rumors what most of us died-in-the-wool Democrats knew already: that Mitt Romney, Republican candidate for president, eats orphaned children for breakfast! Sometimes with eggs (scrambled), sometimes with Count Chocula, sometimes with toast and butter, and even (gasp!) sometimes with bagels and lox!

Drunken, unreliable anonymous government sources down at O'Malley's Bar also confirm that Romney scours the country on his so-called campaign trips to lobby orphan organizations to give over some of their "difficult cases" which he likes to turn into something he calls, "orphan fricassee". Apparently, as one staffer put it, "It is very good!".

(Go ahead, throw your vote away!)

Beyond this sickening revelation comes word-of-mouth that Romney is nothing more than another in a long line of Reptilians, who frequently run for our nation's highest offices. Also, Bar-Rak O'Bama, a Jewish fellow we know down at the wharf, swears on a stack of Bibles that Mitt Romney secretly cross-dresses as a woman pretending to be a man pretending to be a woman pretending to be a man. Further sources from the Chickens With Their Heads Cut Off Democrat Society are of the utmost belief that Romney has been known to cavort with known corporate shills in an effort to undermine everything that Democrats hold dear from regularly aborting babies to smoking foot long spliffs!

(I killed Osama bin Ladin)

The list of horrible and even down right anti-social behaviors engaged by Romney, but never, ever, ever, ever by our much beloved and handsome current dream boat, never tell a lie President Barack Obama, include but are not limited to the following:

- leaves the toilet seat up after taking a piss
- scratches his ass before shaking a potential voter's hand
- extra-judicially kills Americans (oops, that's Obama, sorry)
- loves soccer
- kicks puppies with steel-toed boots
- skins kittens alive and mixes them with his famous "orphan fricassee"
- belabors a point to the point of non-sensibility
- farts loudly in elevators
- smokes cigarettes in Burbank
- did we mention eating orphans?